As three Ph.D.s were sitting restlessly in the hospital waiting room, a nurse rushed in and said to one of them, ‘Good news! Your wife just had twins’!
‘What a coincidence!’ the Ph.D. shouted. ‘I’m a ball player, I am with the Minnesota Twins!’
A few minutes later she returned and said to the other Ph.D., ‘My, what good news we are having today! Your wife just gave birth to triplets!’
‘Now there is a coincidence,’ the Ph.D. said, ‘I work for the Three-M Company!’
Just then the third Ph.D. fainted. The nurse called an intern and together they worked to revive the Ph.D. As a matter of routine they checked his wallet for identification. It was then that they discovered that he was a salesman for Seven-Up!
All these Ph.D.s and D.Litt.s are just stuffed tomatoes. But the whole education is doing that: making people parrots, giving them stupid ideas.
Osho: Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing # 1

The son of an intellectual comes to his father and asks, ‘Daddy, what is dialectics?’
The father, not wanting to leave his son without an answer, says, ‘Listen to the following, son. Let us suppose that two men come into a restaurant, one with dirty hands and the other with clean hands. Which one is going to go and clean his hands?’
‘The one with dirty hands, of course, Daddy!’
‘Very good,’ says the father. ‘Now let’s suppose that the two men walk into a restaurant, one with dirty hands and the other with clean hands. Which one is going to go and wash his hands?’
‘The one with dirty hands, Dad. I just told you!’
‘No, not this time, son. The one who will go and wash his hands is the one who already has clean hands, because he is in the habit of cleaning them. The one with dirty hands is in the habit of keeping his hands dirty.’
‘What a mess, Daddy!’
‘That’s it, Son! Now you are beginning to understand dialectics.’
Osho: Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing # 1

A young professor had been invited to address a poultry convention. ‘The first thing you must do, to properly raise a flock,’ he said, ‘is to separate the male chicks from the female chicks.’
After he finished, a lady enquired, ‘How can you tell male chicks from female chicks?’
‘Well,’ he said, ‘you go out into your yard and dig a pailful of worms. Then you set them before the chicks, and the male chicks will eat the male worms, and the female chicks will eat the female worms. ‘
‘Yes, but, Professor, how do you tell a male worm from a female worm?’
‘Madam,’ came the answer, ‘I’m a poultry expert, not a worm expert!’
This stuffed knowledge does not make people wise, it simply hides their ignorance. This is not education, it simply represses their ignorance. Real education will help the child to be more intelligent.
But even the teachers and the professors don’t like the intelligent children because they create trouble. They ask questions which are embarrassing, they ask questions for which the professors don’t have answers. And they are not courageous enough to say, ‘I don’t know the answer.’ And that is a sure sign of an ignorant man: one who has not the courage to say, ‘I don’t know the answer.’ Everybody tries to pretend that he is omniscient, that he knows all that is worth knowing. So it is also in their favour to keep people unintelligent.
Osho: Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing # 1

OSHO,
TONIGHT I AM FLYING TO PARIS, TAKING WITH ME THIS BEAUTIFUL NAME THAT YOU GAVE ME FOR THE NEW CENTRE, PRADEEP, A LAMP.
COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME HELP TO SCREW THIS LAMP INTO THE FRENCH MIND? AND ALSO TELL US A JOKE WITH A FEW WORDS IN FRENCH TO MAKE PARIS LAUGH!
THANK YOU, OSHO.

Anand Toshen,
As far as screwing this lamp into the French mind is concerned, there will be no difficulty at all. French minds are just like sockets: you can screw in any kind of bulb. There will be no problem at all. It is difficult to screw a bulb into an Indian mind, but into a French mind any way you do it, it will turn out right.
And take this joke with you:
A French father caught his ten-year-old son smoking. Trying to be an open-minded parent, he said carefully, ‘Mon fils, I am educating you with great liberte. I let you have whatever you want so that it does not create any complexes in you. Alors, s’il te plait, take heed of my advice. I think you are too young to start smoking.’
‘Je ne…! Mon oeil!’ replied the son indignantly, ‘why just the other day I fucked three girls! Oh, la la! And you think I am not big enough to smoke?’
‘Oh, Mon Dieu! Tu as fait ca?’ And with what type of girls?’
‘Je ne sais pas,’ replied the boy. ‘I was too drunk to take notice.’

Osho: Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing # 1