Category: Jokes

Mulla was sitting in a station smoking when a woman came in, sitting beside him, remarked: “Sir if you were a gentleman, you would not smoke here!” “Mum said the mulla, “if ye was a lady ye’d sit a little farther away” Pretty soon the woman burst out again: “If...

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"

Life is a woman. Try to understand life and you will become a mess. Forget all about understanding. Just live it and you will understand it. The understanding is not going to be intellectual, theoretical; the understanding is going to be total.

A very holy man went into an optician's one day to order a new pair of spectacles. Behind the counter was an extremely pretty girl, which reduced the customer to total confusion. "Can I help you, sir?" she asked with a ravishing smile. "Er - yes - er... I want...

God is always joking. Look at your own life – it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will find jokes and jokes and jokes. Seriousness is illness; seriousness has nothing spiritual about it. Spirituality is laughter, spirituality is joy, spirituality is fun.

What I am trying to show you is this: that we laugh only when there is some reason which is forcing us to laugh. A joke is told, and you laugh - because a joke creates a certain excitement in you. The whole mechanism of a joke is: the story...

There is nowhere to go and nothing to attain. You are already there where you need to be. Seeking is the only sin. Searching is the only way of going astray.

One day Mulla Nasruddin's wife was running after him with a stick. To save himself he slipped underneath the bed. The wife is a fat woman and she could not enter. Mulla said, "Now you know who is the master of the house!" And then exactly at that moment, somebody...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your license and registration? Driver: I don't have them. It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?

When laughter comes out of silence you are not laughing at anybody's cost, you are simply laughing at the whole cosmic joke. And it really is a joke! That's why I go on telling jokes to you... because jokes carry more than any scriptures. It is a joke because inside...

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out...

A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

Little Ernie goes up to his father after school one day. "Dad," says Ernie, "the teacher started talking about Economics and I didn't understand a thing."

Before we enter into, not contemplation, but meditation, I don't want you to be serious. I am so against seriousness - it is a spiritual sickness. Laughter is spiritual health. And laughter is very unburdening. While you laugh, you can put your mind aside very easily. For a man who...

When the Goldbergs move to Rome, little Herschel comes home from his school in tears. He explains to his mother that the nuns are always asking these Catholic questions and how is he supposed to know the answers?

Boris Baablebrain, the clever lawyer, is pointing at he man in the dock. "And Miss Willing, is THIS the man," screams Boris, "Who you claim violated you, and took advantage of your beautiful, helpless, female body?" "Yes! Yes!" shouts Miss Willing, excitedly. "This is the man who did it to...

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were at the ballet. He suddenly started laughing. The wife asked, 'Why?' 'I was just wondering what the audience would do if I suddenly jumped on the stage, grabbed one of the girls, threw her down and made violent love to her,' he said.

Angela Angelovitch, the greatest ballet dancer in living memory, is going to give her last performance. "Angela," says Petrov, her manager, "for this performance, you must give everything, EVERYTHING!"

As three Ph.D.s were sitting restlessly in the hospital waiting room, a nurse rushed in and said to one of them, 'Good news! Your wife just had twins'!

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all...

The guy asks in astonishment,"Why is "Divorcee Barbie so much? She looks the same to me." The assistant answers, "Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's golf clubs, his Gold MasterCard, his yacht and his summer home."

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before...

Hello, Bernie old pal!" greeted Charlie, somewhat potted. "Let's go into a bar and celebrate the cigar habit." What are you talking about?" asked Bernie .

A guy dies. He comes to an elevator and steps inside. He is dismayed to see that it is moving downwards. He knows what that means. When it arrives, sure enough, he is greeted by the Devil himself, all dressed in red. The Devil welcomes him very cordially but the...

He is a modern man now and has moved into an appartment house in the city. After moving in, he buys himself a new wallpainting and takes it home. When he wants to hang it on the wall he realises that he has got the nail but no hammer. So...